“You have been a friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing.”~ Charlotte to Wilbur
My husband and I will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary this August. We first saw each other at the 8th grade graduation where he and my friend Erica attended middle school. We were 14 years old. We have a son who is the exact age that we were when we met. As his mom, I am astounded that I met my husband at his age. There was an energy that connected us from an early age that even we didn’t understand and were incapable of explaining at that time.
At 33, as I sit and write this blog I still feel that energy. I don’t know that I understand it or that I am capable of explaining it any better in the almost 20 years I’ve known my husband. I know that first and foremost, he has been my bestfriend for those years. He is a part of a team that has raised 3 incredible children who are kind, thoughtful, empathetic, compassionate, and accepting humans. He has allowed himself and his family to grow with life’s experience. He has supported our family through devastating loss and been the calm through various storms. Our marriage has had tremendous stress and at times, life’s circumstances that were dealt to us seemed almost unbearable. I know without a doubt that the strength of our friendship is what enabled us to make it to the other side of those times and allows us to face the days that are extremely difficult to take on even today.
When I stood in a church at barely 18 and married George, I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. Unfortunately, I was not given the circumstances of a childhood that allowed for self discovery. My childhood didn’t come with a lot of respect or loyalty from my family but what it did come with was the gift of friendship. I met Erica and her family the summer after kindergarten. Erica’s friendship provided me with a portal to a different childhood, an opportunity to live out many days spent with her family making memories that will last me a lifetime. Her mom loved me and included me in so much that she didn’t have to and the selfless love she gave me had a tremendous impact on the mother and person I have become. When I look back on my wedding day, I’m sure that the doubts (and there were lots of doubts) that I had that day were put to ease by the trust I had in my friendship with George. I’m grateful now at 33 that I married a boy that grew up to be a man that valued our friendship enough to let me grow into a woman that discovered herself and her ideas of what she wanted her life’s picture to look like. My friendship with George was my portal to a different family experience, one that showed me respect and valued my contributions. When I look back at my wedding day, there are only a few things from that day who truly represent who I was. It certainly wasn’t the building, the dress, any part of the ceremony or the majority of people who filled the pews who had no vested interest in our happiness. It was looking out into the eyes of the few that attended and truly wished us happiness with Erica standing beside me as I married my bestfriend…oh and the little flower girls who sat on the steps at my feet and giggled.
This week, I had the most amazing opportunity to watch one of those little flower girls get married. Let me first say, she is one of my most favorite people in this great big world, second only to my husband and children. She is one of my bestfriends, and one of the few people I look up to. She is 19, only a year older than me when I got married. She also married her bestfriend, her portal to a life where she too was understood, respected, and valued. That is where the similarities end in regards to our weddings. As I photographed her special day for her, I thought – she is going to look back on this day with such gratitude. She married her bestfriend in an intimate ceremony at the courthouse, in a casual dress with a DIY bouquet expressing vows that you would have thought a poet who studied the true meaning of love wrote, with so much confidence and self assurance. If I hadn’t been so damn happy for her, I would have been envious.
As I reflect on this time of my life, I’m thankful for the friendship of my husband. I’m thankful my little flower girl found friendship in her husband. I’m thankful that my children don’t need friendship as a portal but sincerely hope they will use it as a guide through their lives.
MK Clinton wrote “The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.” in the children’s book The Returns.
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