I was forced to think of a life without you, not in the hypothetical sense. I’m not talking about the kind of thinking that we have all done at times…not the “no one is guaranteed tomorrow” experience. I am talking about the reality that your days are really numbered. There was a timeline, a clock ticking to remind that the future was fading. 

Many stories are told about mothers around the world meeting their children for the first time and the love they experience as they hold their child in their arms for the first time. You think you know how much you are going to love them but you really are unprepared. You spend months carrying them and preparing for their life but most would say they were unprepared for the amount of love that comes from a place you never even knew existed.

You face the future, day in and day out. You readjust your “normal” along the way. You find the positive in even the most difficult days. When the day comes, if you are lucky enough…you even get to prepare. I was calm. I was steady. I was brave. I was strong. I was unwavering. I was unprepared. I was unprepared for the insurmountable emptiness.

I’m lost

I’m lost again

I’m lost

Too far from you